Show Date: November 16th, 2009
“You serious, hon?”
The jackass in front of me has his ass into the security guard spread eagle. He turns around.
“This isn’t the full body cavity search?”
I’m shocked he gets admitted. He’s a walking chemical cocktail. She feels up his ass real good too. I escape with a question about if I have a pocket knife attached to my keyring. Um. Right.
Repeated warnings about no flash photography or visible cell phones. Fuck it. You get a picture of my rhododendron.
I got lost going to my seat. Twice. Totally nice woman walked me across the theater. I thought she motioned to a seat and I sat down for a minute before she came back and found me. I told her I was lost. At this rate I’ll be pissing into electrical outlets in 5 years.
Stage is setup like a campground. With sleeping bags, a glowing BBQ in the center, and camping chairs. A table. Wine service, of course! The weirdness in front, with the instruments next. And then vocals in center back. But the vocalists are behind TV screens. Black and white screens. So all you see is their face through a fisheye lens that outputs to a TV. Look, the public school system failed me and I can’t explain this shit.
One song. All you get. All I can remember.
“Vagina Mine”. Screen backdrop says WELCOME TO CAMP CRYSTAL METH. The drummer, Tim “Herb” Alexander is dressed in a corsett, horrific blond wig, fishnets, and Timberlands. He is introduced as the next dancer at Mary’s (if you are not PDX literate, google). Sounds like Maynard and Jack White hang in the same place. The bass/low frequency loop is reverberating so bad it feels like it is exploding my left ear. It seriously hurts like a sonofabitch. I’m groaning. Alexander gets up and starts bashing a drum set. He is now the lead drummer and a rhythm drummer has taken over his kit. Maynard is shaved bald, black gangster suit, red shirt, shades…cool. Laying down such a smooth vocal. They are standing on green astroturf. Ainjel Emme, the female backing vocalist, is freaking her head side to side into that fish eye lens–we can see her on her tv that replaces her head…some randoms are watching the scene drinking wine.
I’m confused. But happy. I think that is the point.
